Sunday, December 9, 2007

Hercules and the Captive Women

The same year as Hercules in the Haunted World, Reg Park played Hercules in Hercules and the Captive Women. It was another fantastical adventure, this time pitting Herc against the evil queen of Atlantis and her army of blond clones sporting pale Abe Lincoln beards. The two films were often billed together as a double feature, and at one point someone got confused and started promoting a film called Hercules and the Haunted Women. By any name, this movie features a classic Hercules movie line, "All hail the power of Uranus!" It also features a midget sidekick for comic relief. Uranus jokes and a midget sidekick? Seriously, who could ask anything more?

This outing begins with Hercules having a meal while all his pals indulge in some good-natured bar room brawling. When Hercules grows bored with these male bonding shenanigans, he wanders off into some special effects and learns of some unspeakable horror he will no doubt have to fight against. Hercules and the King of Thebes set sail to fight this mysterious threat, bringing along the midget sidekick who Hercules picks up a lot, constantly sitting the wee guy on his lap like he was some eight-year-old little boy. Look, he’s a midget sure, but just because he's no taller than an eight-year-old boy doesn’t mean he has the mentality of an eight-year-old boy. The guy has to be in his thirties, and he’s probably getting tired of Hercules bellowing, "Come sit in my lap, li'l fella!"

Hercules finds himself fighting a lion, a ridiculous looking giant smoking lizard man, a standard non-magical buzzard, and a disturbing legion of C. Everett Coops. Amid the action, in which Hercules must battle the beehive hairdo'd queen of Atlantis and her minions of surgeon generals, the movie provides a positively supernatural number of lowbrow opportunities to laugh at the use of the word "Uranus," beginning with "Today is dedicated to Uranus!" and continuing with such hits as "Uranus has abandoned us!" "Antinea has found the missing secrets of Uranus," "I was the last high priest dedicated to Uranus," "Uranus was a just God," and the chilling talk about "the blood of Uranus." Queen Antinea's religion seems to revolve around a big pit in the ground, the hole of Uranus if you will, that has been plugged up by a rock. Upon removing the rock from the hole of Uranus, Hercules is surprised to see it unleash a whoosh of light and foul-smelling wind. Kids, I ain't making this up.

While Herc is fooling around with Uranus, his skinny sidekick Hylos and the shrieking comic relief midget get to lead the slave revolt, which goes about as well as you'd expect a revolt lead by a scrawny goofball and a screaming midget would go. Queen Antinea attempts to seduce Hercules, revealing to him her secret army of blond effeminate clones "born from the blood of Uranus." Hercules isn't interested in anything that comes from Uranus, so the fight is on! Before it is done, Hercules will get to drive a chariot around underground, push over some columns, and hurl some boulders.

Though not as fantastic as Haunted World, Hercules and the Captive Women is still a rousing adventure fantasy with lots of fighting, running around, and revolting done by skinny lepers. Reg Park handles himself well, and his impish characterization does a lot to highlight Herc's human half. Regardless of what you might think of Uranus, Hercules and the Captive Women is quite a successful adventure film that strikes just the right balance between elements of high adventure, fantasy, and comedy.

Labels:

posted by Armando at


1 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



<< Home